Relationship Goals

Couples often do not give nearly enough consideration to relationship goals, which certainly accounts in part for the ever-increasing divorce rate in our country. Once the honeymoon is over and the couple is no longer "ga-ga" over each other, communication, quality-time together and other essential keys to a healthy relationship fall to the wayside.

Sometimes a breakup or divorce is inevitable, but other times the relationship could have been saved had the couple set out some relationship goals. Take the time to contemplate about the following questions, preferably with your significant other:

  • How can we best nurture and support each other?
  • How will we communicate with one another on a daily basis?
  • How dependent will we be toward one another and is it healthy?
  • How can we give our mutual intimacy a boost in the relationship?
  • How long do we intend our relationship to last? Do we plan on getting married?
  • How will we ensure that we respect each other's rights in this relationship?
  • How will we help one another "grow'' in this relationship?
  • How can we keep the fun in our relationship?
  • How will we include others in our relationship without losing our support for one another?
  • How will we approach and/or solve problems in our relationship?
  • How are we going to handle various differences of opinion?
  • How will we handle irritation with one another?
  • How are we going to ensure that we bring any fights to a healthy resolution?
  • At what point will we seek help for ourselves if our fighting gets out of hand? For example, will we seek counseling together?
  • Will we agree to disagree?
  • How open are we to taking joint and individual responsibility for our relationship?
  • How can we ensure that our individuality doesn't get lost in this relationship?
  • How open are we to being assertive in our relationship?
  • How can we use our unique, individual personalities to help each other and our relationship to grow?
  • What steps will we take if one or both of us begins to feel smothered by the relationship?
  • How are we going to promote each other's physical health and will we be supportive of each other?
  • What steps can we take to handle jealousy, a sense of competition, or resentment toward one another?
  • How are we going to make time to do all the things we want to do?
  • How are we going to arrange our schedules so that we can pursue our unique, individual interests and still spend quality time together?
  • How free are we to pursue our distinct interests and friends?
  • How committed are we to setting up long range relationship goals and short range objectives to reach those goals?
  • How committed are we to setting up times in which we can nourish one another and keep our relationship on track?
  • How can we structure ways to get the "required'' relationship maintenance tasks?
  • How can we delegate the maintenance tasks so that neither of us feels that we are doing too much?
  • What place will religion, hobbies, sports, and outside interests have in our relationship?
  • How important are those things to our relationship?
  • Can we nurture our differences?

Ideally you will both see eye to eye on most of the above. If you do not, that is a red flag that some relationship goals should be set in order to preserve the long-term health of the relationship.

Developing a goals worksheet follows the same process as the previous types of goals we have covered in this web guide, but there is one key difference: relationship goals should ideally include both parties. If only one party commits to bettering the relationship then in most cases the writing is already on the wall: in the future the relationship will crash. When only one party is willing to compromise, there is in fact no compromise – it's pure sacrifice on the part of the "compromiser." There is no meeting halfway, and as such eventually the person working on the relationship goals will feel unappreciated and resentful that his or her partner isn't reflecting the same dedication.

So while one person can set up goals for the betterment of a relationship, to ensure a better chance of long-term success both partners should be included.

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